Thursday, July 23, 2009

Doga for Dummies

Not long ago, standing out from the crowd meant flaunting those things you possessed.
Whether it was name dropping the expensive car you owned, buying designer label, owning the hottest electronics, or vacationing at the hip luxury spots.

Consuming was the sport of Kings, as well as those middle-class prince wannabes. However, these days with flagrant consuming politically incorrect, people have to find other ways to broadcast their social status and financial well-beingness, lest they perish into that dirty world of equality, frugality or, god-forbid sameness.

How do you show you are doing your part for society, yet set oneself up as better than your average Joe Shmoe next door? Well, going green is always good idea. Eco-friendly is all the rage now. Buy a Prius and install solar panels on your roof. However, make sure to hide your other five cars, including the Hummer in the garage and keep those 4 energy-guzzling home A/C condensers hidden behind your recycle bin in the back yard.

No longer willing to set your dog up for a grooming day spa?
Best settle for Doga, or Doggie yoga; at $25 an hour it beats keeping a clean Fido fluffy, but better yet, buy the video and you and Spot can have class together at home. Whole Foods is out and Costco is in. Farm-raised now means pesticide-pools for fish and organic says you are saving yourself and the environment by paying double for what should really be half-priced. That is because natural should really be less-expensive, but somehow they have convinced us to pay more while they do less. Are you with me?

But hey, why argue with logic when you can say that overpaying for groceries means helping to bolster the economy? Ride a bike, but not a car, even though that only works if you live in Holland. If you must, buy a Vespa because we know scooters are great for the economy but terrible for your head. And, if you do ride one, wear a helmet, but don't make me have to because government should not tell me how to live my life. Isn't that the argument?

They will tell you that pollution is bad for you, but don't ask the government to make businesses do anything about pollution because that might hurt business more than our health and that doesn't work for the tax coffers. Not to worry, we will have universal health care, for all after we make everybody sick with global warming. Triple tax cigarettes because they are bad, but don't forget the sin-tax helps reduce our debt, but don't legalize marijuana because that might help the Mexican and South American economies and we can't do that because if their economies do well, then people won't try to get here for the free healthcare and we will no longer have cheap labor to cut lawns and pick crops. Also, how would we spend all that money we now pay for law enforcement? Silly me.

Wow, who knew avoiding conspicuous consuming would be this difficult AND contribute to global warming and bad health? Gee, in that case, let's help save the world... just buy that new Mercedes and wear Prada.

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